Is it a boy or a girl? Let me take her from you. Somebody else will come along and get it right! Brian, I can't go to the bathroom by myself. Just throwing it out there. You're doing the right thing, Quagmire.
Dazed and confused Spies Reminiscent of Us Stewie Griffin 5 8 Stewie struggles to remember the cutaway when knocked senseless. Failing mall Hannah Banana Peter Griffin 1 8 Peter says helping Chris with his homework sounds worse than a trip to a failing mall. Basement find Quagmire's Baby Peter Griffin 1 8 Peter notes that it is amazing what you can find in your basement. Palestinian alarm clock Quagmire's Baby Peter Griffin 4 8 Peter declares that the ham radio is more worthless than his Palestinian alarm clock.
Radical penis enlargement Quagmire's Baby Peter Griffin 5 8 Peter tells Quagmire that sometime you just have to make a decision and go with it, like Peter's radical penis enlargement. Recipe for disaster Jerome Is the New Black Stewie Griffin 9 8 Stewie tells Brian that trying to force a friendship with Quagmire is a recipe for disaster, like walking into an office of fat women with a flower bouquet.
Animals killing animals Dog Gone Peter Griffin 2 8 Peter points out that animals kill other animals all the time. Robin Williams ' agent Big Man on Hippocampus Stewie Griffin 2 8 Stewie accuses everyone of pretending he's not there like Robin Williams 's agent pretends he's still funny.
Foreign leftovers Big Man on Hippocampus Brian Griffin 3 8 Brian compares the smell of Stewie's diaper to reheated foreign food at work. Baby on a plane Big Man on Hippocampus Stewie Griffin 6 8 Stewie says a baby doesn't belong in the inner-city anymore than a baby belongs on a plane.
Inevitable Big Man on Hippocampus Peter Griffin 9 8 Brian points out that sex with Quagmire is inevitable, like a fat guy ordering dessert. Crazy chick hooks up with an even crazier guy Dial Meg for Murder Stewie Griffin 3 8 Stewie notes that Meg's relationship with Luke is similar to what happens when a crazy chick hooks up with an even crazier guy.
Predictable Meg Dial Meg for Murder Chris Griffin 4 8 Chris notes that he liked Meg better when she was more predictable, like the stock photos on a corporate web site. Stewie Defeats Truman Extra Large Medium Stewie Griffin 2 8 Stewie says that if he and Chris are rescued he'll consider running for political office again now that people have forgotten his last embarrassment.
Taken for a ride Extra Large Medium Brian Griffin 5 8 Brian tells Lois she's being taken for a ride, like a snail on the back of a turtle. Spock was a real fraud. New boyfriend Go, Stewie, Go! Lois Griffin 1 8 Lois hopes Meg's new boyfriend is an improvement over the last one.
The Meek Go, Stewie, Go! Lois Griffin 3 8 Lois fears lying to Peter, like when Jesus lied to the meek. Nervous driver Go, Stewie, Go! Meg Griffin 4 8 Meg says grandpa makes her nervous while driving. American brothers in China Peter-assment Peter Griffin 4 8 Peter claims that his date with Angela will be easier than an American finding his brother in China.
Stuffing the ballot box April in Quahog Peter Griffin 1 8 Peter assures Brian he's voted, like the time he stuffed the ballot box at the Oscars. Coldplay April in Quahog Peter Griffin 2 8 Peter is certain he can get kicked out of jury duty just like he got kicked out of Coldplay.
Ants at a picnic April in Quahog Peter Griffin 3 8 Peter rants about ants stealing his pie at a picnic. Youthful shenanigans April in Quahog Peter Griffin 5 8 Peter says he feels like an old guy reliving his youthful shenanigans. Rapacious Cavalryman April in Quahog Peter Griffin 6 8 Peter buys a musket and says he's always wanted to save a Native American woman from a rapacious cavalryman.
Highlights in history montage April in Quahog Tom Tucker 7 8 Tom salutes highlights in history including the Battle of Hastings, the Ottoman Empire and the first television broadcast.
Denial Quagmire's Dad Peter Griffin 3 8 Peter claims Quagmire is in denial about his father, like a family in massive debt. It's a trap The Splendid Source Peter Griffin 1 8 Peter vows to Lois that if they're walking into a trap at the school principal's office, he's going to make smart-alecky remarks while they're tied up back-to-back like last time.
Monkey scratch The Splendid Source Peter Griffin 2 8 Peter presents an ape scratching himself as a reward for sitting through the episode.
Watching grass grow Partial Terms of Endearment Peter Griffin 1 8 Peter says he'd rather stay home and watch grass grow than be stuck in a room full of people he doesn't know. An Italian getting glasses Partial Terms of Endearment Lois Griffin 6 8 Lois claims having a baby is a life-altering decision, like an Italian getting glasses. Tiny race of people who live inside our carpet Partial Terms of Endearment Peter Griffin 9 8 Peter tries to convince Lois not to have her friend's baby by following his orders to co-exist just like he does with a tiny race of people who live inside their carpet.
Chromosomally-challenged cats Partial Terms of Endearment Stewie Griffin 10 8 Stewie points out that due to Lois' age, her baby could end up like one of those chromosomally-challenged cats seen on TV. Indian food Partial Terms of Endearment Peter Griffin 11 8 Peter reminds Lois that having a baby is one of life's big decisions, like whether or not to eat Indian food.
Prouder than a peacock Partial Terms of Endearment Peter Griffin 12 8 Peter claims that deciding to save Lois' baby has made him prouder than the time he was a peacock. Retrieved from " http: Road to the Multiverse. Stewie says that he can blow Brian's mind like the steropticon did to Americans in Human Brian says that they live in a tough world and that you hear about it on the news every night.
Lois claims that Peter being infatuated with the cutout of Kathy Ireland is the stupidest thing he's done since he got into a turf war with a cat. Peter says he feels betrayed worse than when Lady Macbeth betrayed Duncan. Stewie says finding out he's Jewish has rocked his world as much as when he went to his pediatrician. Brian points out that people tend to overboard on things, like Quagmire did when he thought he was getting a spinoff.
Lois accuses Peter of acting crazier than when he went through his "Parker Lewis" phase. Peter doesn't want Lois to drag the family down with her Jewish heritage like a mentally-handicapped rooster.
Spies Reminiscent of Us. Peter tells an elephant in an exchange program that he hopes his son is having a better time with his family there. Peter claims Cleveland's bathroom as the greatest discovery since fat women discovered Diet Coke. Peter says that having Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase over will be way better than the Victorian girl ghost.
Vladimir Putin presents a Russian cutaway gag. Mayor Adam West notes that the day has taken a bad turn, like Mike Brady's first marriage. Brian's Got a Brand New Bag. Brian points out that the family, and particularly Peter, usually don't make a good impression on Brian's dates.
Malcolm in the Middle season Brian points out that Rita isn't too old, like Malcolm in the Middle in season Peter tells Brian that sometimes life hands you disappointments, like that Playboy issue. Peter says helping Chris with his homework sounds worse than a trip to a failing mall.
Chris claims the Evil Monkey is one of the reasons he can't study. Peter hopes Chris does better on his science test, more than God did when he left the iron on Ellen Barkin 's face too long. Peter tells the Evil Monkey that he'd missed him so much, like when America was attacked by mentally challenged suicide bombers. Peter claims that Chris is a big disappointment, like things that look like DVDs from far away.
Sir Henry Giantholeinthetorso Wickenshire. Stewie deduces that Miley Cyrus was built by Disney so she could never fail, like the world's most successful duelist Sir Henry Giantholeinthetorso Wickenshire. Stewie claims the peanut paste he feeds Bitch-Stewie is healthier than what people ate in the 50s. Peter declares that the ham radio is more worthless than his Palestinian alarm clock.
Sign In Don't have an account? Man this is a bigger rip-off than Shrunky Dinks [Cut to a destitute-looking house where a young black child excitedly opens a box next to his deadbeat father] Black Child: Peter, you been fiddling with that ham radio for seven weeks. I can barely get any reception on this stupid thing. So far the only station that comes in is some British guys reading news from places I'm not sure exist. But finally, some good news out of neighboring Kanduzi, as locals there have reached an uneasy alliance with the bordering Trolika Bubsie Wubsie Dal.
And now with sports, here's Framptal Tromwibbler Framptal Tromwibbler: At the tone, the time will be 26 railroad. I'm not sure about any of that. This is Ronald Reagan. The guy that used to bang that pound witch? Ronald Reagan, former President of the United States. Brian, will you take me down to Baby Gap? I want to dress like a small douche. Oh, for God's sake.
You want me to move it to another day? No, no, just cancel it. Who the hell was that? There was another Stewie right there. Oh, yeah, well, you know, I've been so damn busy lately, my schedule's been so packed I felt like I needed some kind of an errand boy to do all my nitpicky, pain-in-the-ass stuff.
So I clone myself. What are you deaf? So he's an exact copy of you? I have to remain superior so I bred out some of the intelligence. Made him sort of a simpleton, you know. I call him Bitch Stewie. Would you like to meet him? Would you like to meet Bitch Stewie? Uh, yeah, I guess. Come here and meet my friend, Brian. You got a friend? Oh, I'm always happy to meet one of your friends.
Pleased to meet you. He's got quite a grip. Hey Bitch Stewie, why are there no midget accountants? Because they always come up short!
Oh another good one Stewie! I don't know where you come up with them! And all I have to feed him is a crude peanut paste. It's not much, but it's healthier than what people ate in the 50's.
Steak and donut sandwich, please. You want cigarettes on that sandwich? What do I look like, a Mary? Yes, I want cigarettes! Oh, sorry, didn't realize somebody was in here. Oh, there's your friend, Brian! I sure did enjoy talking to you the other day! I'm just making sure Stewie is nice and clean for his trip to the playground this afternoon. We had a little bit of a problem earlier because Bitch Stewie was stooling in the tub, [to Bitch Stewie] wasn't he?
I did some poos. I did some poos I didn't mean to. But we've rectified that now, and everything's fine. This is really weird. I mean, it's one thing to have him help you out with your busy schedule. It's another thing to let him wash your back. Well, he does more than that, Brian. Look at me, I'm George Bernard Shaw. Enjoy your weird bath.
I told him I did the poos even though you did the poos, Stewie. Did I do good, Stewie? That was very correct of you, Bitch Stewie. You're a good helper. Peter, that's not Ronald Reagan. He must be on his own ham radio! So, this is not Reagan? No, it's Rich Little. He's been screwing with your head. Well, this thing is worthless! Like my Palestinian alarm clock.
Hey, Peter, what's up? Hey, Quagmire, uh, listen, I'm here to get my money back for that ham radio. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there, partner.
All sales are final. Yeah, but you were Agamemnon with me during the sale. I just saw that word somewhere. I wanted to use it. Look, Peter, why don't you just so home before you get hurt? Well, I'm clearly not the only one who was dissatisfied with his purchase. I didn't sell a baby. Next time wear a condom, jerk. Well, now, hold on, Quagmire.
There's no guarantee it's your baby. Well, the DNA test results are back. This little girl is definitely your baby, Quagmire. I-I don't want a baby. Look, somebody's gotta take this kid off my hands. I can't be a father. Well, Glenn, you don't have a choice. This baby is your responsibility. There's baby clothes, some toys, and some books.
Now, if you have any questions, we're right across the street. Not really sure what I'm supposed to do with you. Bathroom's down the hall to the right. Uh, if you ever come home and there's a tie on the door, it means I'm froggin' someone, so give me at least, uh, a couple hours. Stewie, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to Bobby Stalling's birthday party.
Ugh, I hate that kid. And I hate children's birthday parties. I sent Bitch Stewie in my place. You know, I've never seen Stewie come out of his shell so much. He takes his blindfold off] Bitch Stewie: Oh, no, it's not on his tail.
It's on his face. Oh, no, well, that's okay, though. Somebody else will come along and get it right! Thanks for coming to my birthday party, Stewie. Oh, I wouldn't have missed it for anything! I've never been to a party before! Wanna watch me blow out the candles?
I would love to see that! And gosh, Bobby, I'd love to play with some of your birthday toys, but only after you've played with them and only if you say it's okay! I, uh, don't suppose you'd consider making one of those for me, would ya?
What would you be willing to do for me? Take your index finger and your thumb, and lightly grip the base of your tail. Lightly grip the base of your tail with your index finger and your thumb, and then slide your fingers up the length of your tail to the tip.
Because that's what I asked you to do. Is this some kinda sexual thing? Nobody said anything about sexual- there's nothing sexual about it. I'm just asking you to perform a simple task.
You mean stroke it? This is not a stroking motion- this is a completely non-sexual thing I am asking you to do, in a completely non-sexual way. I only have to do it once?
I'll tell you when to stop. Gimme a little smile. You're lips look a little dry, why don't you wet 'em a little bit? Alright I'll make you a clone buddy. Have you given her a name yet?
Anyway, thanks for all the baby stuff.